Support means different things to different people. My
husband and I would frequently fall out over that word before I realized that
we have two different paradigms in our heads for the concept of support. To my pastor
husband, it means attending every event for which he has responsibilities and listening,
not challenging the points he wants to make. For me, it means making sure he is
fed, has clean clothes, and providing ideas for his sermons, challenging points
that need attention, and not nagging him for being away all the time. When we
try to support each under with the qualifications of our definitions, it has
the opposite affect; we each end up feeling not supported. Chapman (2017)
describes these varying support needs as different love languages. When we are
not supported in our love language, we become disheartened and feel unloved and
unsupported. This is demotivating for relationships and, taking it into the
workplace, productivity. We all need to feel loved. We feel loved when we feel
supported. As our relationship has matured, my husband and I have learned to
think and act from the other's point of need when trying to offer support. At
work, I have felt quite supported when I was directing a play or running the school
and the staff and parents all came alongside to serve all the different needs to
make the productions a success such as painting sets, bringing me meals, or speaking
an encouraging word.
As I look forward to the new venture of opening a kindergarten,
I imagine that I will need a good amount of support in areas in which I have no
expertise and areas in which I am weak, such as financial planning and management.
Starting a new venture also means that I will need a lot of support on the home
front, understanding when I am emotionally and mentally drained at the end of
the day and not in the mood of cooking or doing the dishes, listening support
when frustrations build or joys overflow, and practical support for tasks such
as moving furniture.
These supports, whether they be as practical or emotional,
are so essential to the amount of courage and ambition I have to confidently continue
on in a course of action. When others
believe in what someone is doing, they show their agreement by coming alongside,
speaking and acting on their belief in whatever the cause. I am motivated
because I feel loved. It is a lesson I want to carry into how I support and
encourage others around me.
Chapman, G. D. (2017). The
5 love languages: The secret to love that last. Christian Art Publishers.
